HEALTHY CONFLICT

PASTOR RYAN LADEN – DEVOTIONALS

IF YOU LIKE THIS POST PLEASE FOLLOW US, SHARE WITH OTHERS AND PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS AND GIVE US A LIKE.

Translate this site into your preferred language, look for our Google translator in our home page: diningwithjesus.net

Traduce este sitio en tu idioma preferido, busca nuestro traductor de Google en nuestra página de inicio ve a: diningwithjesus.net

Welcome to our second devotional study of Jesus’ teaching on how to lovingly hold those God has placed into your sphere of influence accountable for their outward and ongoing acts of sin and rebellion. 

Today we will be looking at what to do if your one-on-one meeting did not go so well. But first, let’s reread the teaching from the Lord:

15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

(Matthew 18:15-17 NIV11)

Verse 16

In verse 16 we hear the portion of Jesus’ teaching on what we should do next should our first attempt at interpersonal dialogue around the other person’s area of sinful struggle fail. 

The first part of verse 16 that we need to deal with is stated as, “But if they will not listen”.

It has been my experience that 90% of these kinds of personal conversations lead to a good result. When the other person knows that you love them and that you are seeking their benefit by having a private, one-on-one conversation about an issue that does not need to become public, they typically stop whatever they were doing and show signs of remorse and repentance. 

Evidence

In this section of Jesus’ teaching, he moves us on into the troubled waters of rejection. 

Jesus Christ prefaces his call to action by referencing the fact that they have not listened to your plea for change. But this raises a few questions for me:

•  How would you know if someone has received or rejected your intervention?
•  What would tell you that they have no intention of change?
•  We cannot look at how the meeting went to know if they took your message on board. 
•  After all, most normal people respond negatively to any form of criticism or correction. 
•  So in the moment, they might seem to reject your help. 
•  Does this mean you need to move to the next step?

Fruit

I would propose that we ought to listen to Jesus’ teaching from Matthew 7:16, which says, “By their fruit you will recognize them.”

Look at how the person responds over time. If they rejected your help upfront, that is not great, but they might go away and think about what you had to say. Then, the Holy Spirit will use your words to teach and correct the person’s heart. This kind of Spirit-led correction cannot be seen overnight and needs some space to develop. 

But if you give them some time, and keep seeing the same outward and habitual sin on display, perhaps that is the time to conclude that they did not listen. 

Group

The next section of this teaching says, “take one or two others along”.  I have so much to say about this that I will just give you the highlights:

•  One or two, not an army. 
•  Ganging up on someone is not loving. 
•  Surprises do not usually bring godly results.
•  Make sure that the one or two are godly, praying people. 
•  Meet together to pray for the situation before you have a meeting. 
•  Be careful that your preparation for the meeting does not result in gossip. 
•  Not all involved need to give their two cents. Stay on point. 
•  Engage the “golden rule”. 
•  How would you want to be treated? Then do that. 

Purpose

The two-word phrase “so that” tells us that there is a purpose behind this meeting. 

There is a God-given, loving, and Jesus-centered purpose for sitting down and talking about the seriousness of the habitual sin that your brother or sister has fallen into. It is essential that you and your team know this purpose before you ask for this meeting. Be clear that your motives and outcomes are right in the eyes of God. 

Witnesses

The purpose behind having the extra support is summed up by the Lord in his quote of the Old Testament principle that requires two or more witnesses in order to convict someone of a violation of the law. 

In the setting of the Mosaic law, the idea was that one person should not be able to accuse you of a crime without evidence. But if there were two or more who were willing to put their names and their integrity on the line to uphold the charge, then it should be considered. 

Protection

Here, the witnesses perform that same function but they also provide a much needed layer of protection. If someone is drowning in their sin and they are desperate, they will lash out at whomever stand between them and what they consider safety. 

If they feel threatened, like their sins have been uncovered and their lives stand in the balance, they might seek to discredit their accusers (accusers in their minds). This has happened to me more times than I would have liked. The desperate do not always act in rational ways, and so it is good to have backup. 

Listen

So, if you try to be loving and reasonable in a one-on-one setting and they show signs of rejection through the fruit of their lives, then we move into this small group setting. 

It is important that prayer, love, and planning are a part of every step of this journey. Never just throw the person in a chair and gang up on them. That is neither loving nor productive. Listen to the Lord and follow his teaching!

In Christ, 

Ryan Laden

PASTOR RYAN LADEN

Works at MTN. CHURCH

Former Senior pastor at Warnbro Community Church

Studies at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary

Studied at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary

Studied at Baylor University

Studied at Texas Tech University

Went to Castle Hills First Baptist

Copyright © 2024 Ryan Laden – All Rights Reserved.