PASTOR RYAN LADEN – DEVOTIONALS
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Today we seek to understand the vital difference between honoring and obeying your parents. This is an issue about which many married Christians seem to be confused. Those who struggle with this command seem to equate honoring your parents with doing whatever your parents might tell you to do, even though you have launched out into the building of your own family. We can learn a lot about this issue if we are interested.
But first, let us remind ourselves what the fifth commandment actually says:
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
(Exodus 20:12 NIV11)
Adding Honor
As discussed in my previous devotional (LINK), the idea behind honoring one’s parents is best described as adding honor to those that need honor, or honor those to whom honor is due. Honor is described as adding weight or significance and it is something that we learn from the grace shown to us by the gift of grace given by Christ.
We did not deserve this gift but we desperately needed it. So it is with the giving of honor to our parents. Whether they deserve it or not is not the issue in the commandment, what we are called to do is add honor to those in need of honor.
Weigh the decision
Honor given to one’s parents does not equal obedience to their every word and command. Even children must weigh up the morality of their parents’ commands and act as their conscious leads. This is the same for those in places of structured authority (think military structure).
All Christ followers need to obey the call of Christ, the leadership of the Spirit, and the message of God’s word before they blindly implement any command given.
Peter
This was the point being made by the Apostle Peter in his reply to those who commanded him to stop speaking of Jesus as the Christ. In that situation, Peter weighed the command and saw that it contradicted with the command of Christ and so must not be followed.
We can see this at play in Acts 5:29, “Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!” Obedience to man, even to parents, must submit first to the clear instruction of the Lord.
Married
For the married Christian (or adult Christian living outside of their parent’s home and support) there is another element to the call to honor one’s parents that is worth our attention.
When a man and woman commit themselves to the covenant of marriage, they experience a radical change in their earthly allegiances. Prior to the formation of their new family through God’s gift of marriage, showing honor to one’s parents would have included a level of obedience to their instruction.
But after the union of the man and woman in holy matrimony, both the husband and wife are now out from under the authority of their parents. In fact, they become something like peers in the sense that they now all live as individual families who are responsible for themselves before the Lord.
Jesus affirmed the meaning of marriage in Mark 10:7-9, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Independent
Inside this new entity known as a Christian family, the husband and wife live under a shared authority and responsibility for themselves as they stand before the Lord as a family unit. As such, they cannot and should not return to the authority of their parents as they are no longer a part of their old family structure.
This moves the call to honor one’s parents into a new phase. This call is not about heeding the instruction and advice of those who raise the new husband and wife, rather, all parties need to recognize the new family unit and shift expectations concerning obedience and honor.
The new family needs to see that they are now on equal ground with their old families. As such, the call to honor is one of adding honor, adding weight and significance. The new family unit would be damaged by any expectation of obedience and therefore must be shown honor and respect by all parties.
Needless
This confusion causes needless drama in the lives of Christian people. Parents need to recognize the change that takes place when their children get married. Instead of expecting the newlyweds to heed their parents’ advice, the Christian parents need to let go and allow the new family to flourish or fail on their own.
The newlyweds likewise need to shift from the old habit of turning to mom and dad in times of question or uncertainty, instead seeking the Lord together as husband and wife. The wisdom of parents now needs to be weighed and taken on board in the same way as any other such godly givers of advice.
To show honor to your parents as a married couple is to show them the respect they deserve because of their track record. If your parents have proven themselves to be good sources of godly wisdom, then seek them out AS A COUPLE.
Do not obey their commands and assume that this is what it means to show honor to your parents. Real honor in this situation is listening to their ideas and saying thank you for their concerns as you turn to your spouse for real counsel and help.
In Christ,
Ryan Laden
PASTOR RYAN LADEN
Works at MTN. CHURCH
Former Senior pastor at Warnbro Community Church
Studies at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary
Studied at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary
Studied at Baylor University
Studied at Texas Tech University
Went to Castle Hills First Baptist
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