THE FOLLOWING ARE PHONE NUMBERS OF THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE AND NATIONAL CENTER ON ELDER ABUSE.
DOMESTIC ABUSE
En Español Llama AL NUMERO: 1.800.799.7233
THE WEBSITE IS: https://espanol.thehotline.org/
ELDER ABUSE
National Adult Protective Services Association
TEL. 202-370-6292
National Center on Elder Abuse
TEL. 855-500-3537
Eldercare Locator
800-677-1116
eldercarelocator@n4a.org
https://eldercare.acl.gov
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Pastor Chris White says to all of you: HELLO MY FRIENDS. May the Lord bless you today.
HOLA MIS AMIGOS. Que el Señor los bendiga.
The
Bible is silent on the issue of spousal abuse as a reason for divorce, although
it is obvious what God expects a marriage to look like (Ephesians 5:22–33), and abuse is contrary to
everything godly. Physical violence against a spouse is immoral and should not
be tolerated by anyone. No one should remain in an unsafe environment, whether
it involves a family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. Physical
abuse is also against the law, and civil authorities should be the first ones
contacted if abuse occurs.
A spouse who is being abused should immediately seek a safe place. If there are
children involved, they should also be protected and removed from the
situation. There is nothing unbiblical about separating from an abuser; in
fact, it is morally right to protect oneself and one’s children.
The Bible never commands divorce, even in the case of abuse. The Bible
specifies two acceptable reasons for divorce: abandonment of a Christian by an
unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15) and
adultery (Matthew 5:32). Since the Bible does not list
abuse as an acceptable reason for divorce, we are careful to limit our advice
to separation.
God allows divorce in the event of abandonment and adultery, but even
those circumstances do not automatically trigger divorce proceedings; divorce
is still a last resort. In the case of infidelity, it is better for two
Christians to reconcile than divorce. It is better to extend the forgiveness
and love that God freely gives us (Colossians 3:13). Reconciliation with an
abuser, however, is far different. Reconciling with an abusive partner depends
completely on the abuser proving his or her reliability, which could take
years—if it happens at all. Separation from an abusive spouse is likely to be
long-term.
Once separation has been established, the abuser has the responsibility to seek
help. First and foremost, he should seek God. “For everyone who asks, receives.
Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks” (Matthew 7:8). God has power to heal
individuals and relationships. He must be the Lord of our lives, the Master of
our assets, and the Head of our households. Psychological aid and legal limitations
(restraining orders) on an abuser are also appropriate, and such tools are
important to his or her process of change.
If the abuser demonstrates verifiable change, independently confirmed, the
relationship may be resumed with much caution. Both husband and wife must
commit themselves to God’s path and develop their relationship with God through
Christ. “Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me and teach me your law.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws” (Psalm 119:29–30). This commitment to God
should be accompanied by intensive counseling from a trusted pastor or
believing licensed counselor. The counselling should be taken first
individually, then as a couple, and finally as an entire family, as all need
help healing. Change is possible for an abusive person who truly repents and
humbly surrenders to the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).
There are a number of “red flags” to look for before entering a permanent
relationship. Unfortunately, these indicators may not be visible until after
the wedding takes place, since many abusers are skilled at hiding their true
natures. However, a short list of things to look out for includes irrational
jealousy, the need to be in control, a quick temper, cruelty toward animals,
attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug
or alcohol abuse, and disrespect for boundaries, privacy, personal space, or
moral values. If you see any of these warning signs in a person you are
entering a relationship with, please seek advice from someone familiar with
abusive situations.
If you are in an abusive situation right now, whether the abuser is a spouse,
parent, child, caretaker, teacher, relative, or anyone else, please know that
God does not want you to remain in that situation. It is not
God’s will for you to accept physical, sexual, or psychological abuse. Leave
the situation, find someone to help you stay safe, and involve law enforcement
immediately. Through it all, pray for God’s guidance and protection.
ELDER ABUSE
It is easy for parents to excuse the attitudes or behaviors of their children, no matter their age, because of the long histories and dynamics parents and children have. Situations can become even more complicated if an elderly parent is dependent on the care of an adult child. If that relationship is abusive, the parent is in a difficult situation and may not know how to respond.
If you are experiencing verbal, mental, emotional, or physical abuse, wait for a safe opportunity and contact a trusted family member or friend to remove you from the situation as soon as possible or call 911. Many states have call hotlines for elder abuse. If you are unsure if you are experiencing abuse, go to the National Institutes for Health Elder Abuse website for more information and guidance: www.nia.nih.gov/health/elder-abuse.
At the heart of abuse is selfishness, a sin we all struggle with in one way or another. Anger and mistreatment of others are symptoms of the underlying selfishness. Understanding this can help us in knowing how to respond.
First and foremost, pray about the abusive situation (Philippians 4:6–7), asking God to direct in word and deed. God promises to generously give wisdom where needed and asked for (James 1:5). If the adult child is a Christian, pray specifically for the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the intervention of the body of Christ (Galatians 6:1–10).
If it is safe, consider confronting the adult child who is perpetrating the abuse. Jesus is our best example for this in how He handled confrontations with those closest to Him, the disciples. He did not sweep anything under the proverbial rug but addressed sin in individualized ways.
Caroline Newheiser, co-author of When Words Matter Most, writes, “Christians love each other well when they address one another’s sins with Christlike love. Think of how Jesus dealt with the sin of his disciples: the anger of James and John, the fear of Peter, the doubt of Thomas, and the pride of all twelve as they debated who would be greatest in the kingdom. Christ confronted, instructed, and restored. He always spoke the truth in love, although sometimes sternly. But his disciples knew that he loved them, even in their weakness and sin” (www.crossway.org/articles/7-tips-for-confronting-a-friend-in-sin, accessed 2/8/22).
Scripture repeatedly encourages open, loving communication about sin in passages such as Proverbs 27:5–6, Luke 17:3, Galatians 6:1, Hebrews 3:13, and 1 Thessalonians 5:14. Above all, rebuke must be done in love (1 John 4:11), which means preparing one’s heart beforehand through repentance, prayer, and meditation on Scripture.
It is especially important in abusive relationships to have an advocate during the confrontation for safety purposes. It could be another family member or two, a trusted friend, or a pastor, someone who will help communicate what is being experienced by the elderly parent. Ask God for the right person, timing, and words.
Scripture is our best weapon against sin and evil, as it is sharper than any double-edged sword, able to judge the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). The Holy Spirit can use His Word to convict in ways that we cannot (1 Thessalonians 1:5).
God is the defender of the fatherless and widow, those who are vulnerable and often mistreated (Exodus 22:22; 1 Thessalonians 4:6). He will bring justice to those hurt by others.
If you suspect elder abuse or are experiencing it, please consult these resources with the help of a trusted family member or friend to safely end the abuse and get help:
Eldercare Locator
800-677-1116
eldercarelocator@n4a.org
https://eldercare.acl.gov
National Adult Protective Services Association
202-370-6292
https://www.napsa-now.org
National Center on Elder Abuse
855-500-3537
ncea-info@aoa.hhs.gov
https://ncea.acl.gov
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